Blessed are the cracked,for it is they who let in the light.

Well, I haven't had much happiness this past week to write about. Which this time of year, it's supposed to be full of it. And throughout my life, my dysfunctional life ive always still found happiness in it. I've always tried to see the bright side of any hardships that have come my way. I'm an optimist. But right now I feel like I've lost myself. I can't sleep. Im a sleeper but now I can't sleep. I barely eat. I've lost 6 pounds in a week. Not an intentional diet. It was my sons birthday party. People who I love and who love my son came and I felt like I wasn't even there. I could barely hug one of my best friends as she left. Like if I hugged too long I would lose it. I never knew the true meaning of single parent until now. And it is so overwhelming it brings me to tears. How can I do it completely alone? How can I afford it? How do I keep my son happy when I can't smile and mean it? What happened to me is my own fault. For Many reasons. I should've made changes a very long time ago. I should have learned my lesson. I should have been honest with him and with myself. But here we are. In the lowest low of my life. On my sons birthday. He's 3 today. The happiest day of my life. And i have decided that today is going to be the new happiest day of my life. God gave me my son this day 3 years ago. And I know and have faith that God will give me a great day today too.

"a life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable but more useful then a life spent doing nothing"

" this wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it"

"be thankful for mistakes. They may lead you to solutions you never would have discovered before"

"when things go wrong, don't go with them"

Dear God, each morning when my Childs feet touch the floor, may they take him In your footsteps and lead then where you want them to go"

" have a heart that never hardens, and a temper that never fires, and a touch that never hurts."

I will find happiness in this dysfunction.

-ash